Part Eighteen - Everything's Okay...

The answer from the ministry came. Kingsley had worked well preparing his speech. He had brought in the most concerned of the parents from Hogwarts.
Both muggle- and wizard-parents, and asked why. Asked what was the greatest of the problems with the two of them. Jonahs parents was concerned he would get infested. Poor child, he didn’t even know they were together. Amelia's parents was worried that the education would lack, as there would be a certain lack of concentration. Kingsley assured them, that was not gonna happen. The two professors were more than committed to this subjects, and very concerned about their students. And he also assured them, that they were most professional – both of them.
Little Candice, had gotten home and asked if two men could fall in love, one day, and her parents had been worried. She had seen the two of them while out of bed after curfew, and Minerva, who had been allowed a seat at the actual hearing, had pointed out, that their daughter being out of bed after curfew, was more of a problem, than two of her professors holding hands. Her parents had agreed. And decided to withdraw their complaint. Several others did the same, as they discovered there was no problem. And after five hours of careful discussing, it ended in the lovers’ favor.

They got to stay. They got to keep their life, and each other

Part Seventeen - Early Morning

Harry woke earlier than normal. The sun hadn’t yet rounded the corner of the window, and the room was still in darkness.
He slipped his free hand under the blanket, and let his fingers play across Severus’ naked body. He was still heavily asleep, and Harry knew he had had some trouble falling asleep last night. He felt him shift during the early hours. Poor man…he had a hard time talking of how he really felt, but Harry wanted him to tell. He didn’t want to keep on reading his mind, as he knew it made Severus feel vulnerable, and that wasn’t a good feeling for any man.
Harry’s fingers was trembling. This wasn’t everyday business between the two of them. They had their issues. Both of them. And when Harry felt down, there was no use even trying. And most of the times Harry was up for it, Severus hadn’t slept at all the previous night, and could only dream of it happening.
Harry knew Severus hadn’t slept too well, but he longed for his lovers body. He longed for the warmth, and the touch. His hand played its way down. He gently stroked him, as he could hear Severus open his eyes. His breath shortened, and he waited for him to stop it. Waited to be denied.

Silence.

Harry kept on his little game, feeling Severus’ eyes on his shoulders all the time. He felt him stiffen in his hand, but he didn’t move even an inch. He could hear him enjoying the touch, he panted every now and again. And as it closed in on him, he whispered to Harry, ”I love you, you’re my everything, Harry. I love you for being so gentle. So real. Don’t ever offer to leave me so that I can stay…do you hear me? Don’t eveeeeeeeeeehh…” He came in Harry's hand. And never finished. But Harry answered him anyway. ”I thought of it before you joined me at the lake yesterday”, he said ” but I can’t. I wouldn’t survive without you. It has to be both of us, or no one, Sev. I’m sorry.”

Severus smiled to himself. He had done it. He had told him. Even though he had been interrupted, he had told Harry what he felt. What he had twirled around in his head. And Harry had thought of it too. Earlier. He was an amazing man. So considerate, and beautiful inside. He rolled over to face him. And asked how he could repay him his effort… Harry smiled an innocent smile, got out of bed, and into the bathroom, where he filled the tub, and called for Severus.

”You know honey, this bath-oil, works quite well as a lubricant.”

Thank god it’s still too early for anyone to hear us, Severus thought to himself, before he slipped out of bed, and let himself be surrounded by the water. Right now, nothing else mattered. Harry was his, and when the answer from the ministry came, they’d have to face it. No use being concerned now. After all, they both knew it had to be both of them or no one

Part Sixteen - The Rooms

Their rooms were located where Severus had stayed before Harry came into his life. Harry had lived in the co-professor hallway, in a small, but nice set of rooms, later offered to the new Prefects, as they had filled the need for professors after the war, with the lot of them. He had been thrilled to move down to Severus, and had brought little with him. After all, he had never been that spoiled brat he had been accused of being during his student-years.
Together they had however extended the place a bit. Alterations to the surroundings. Added a few windows, as Harry had proved he needed to have some daylight to cope. A few weeks after he had moved in, he had fallen into a deep depression. Waking up several times each night. Silent. Staring into the ceiling. Scared. Crampeled. Even knowing Severus was right there, hadn’t been of any help.
It had taken him some time to get the picture, but one evening when Severus had been cleaning (he’s unbelievably tidy, that man and loves to do it the good old muggle way, as he swears that the smell of soap, is half the experience), he had asked Harry to get him a bucket from the cupboard…..and all of a sudden he’d got it.
Severus had swirled around, and extended his bedroom to the outer wall getting rid of the cupboard that obviously didn’t serve any good, and added two windows, to get some air and sunlight in. It had made a huge difference. Harry needed air. Needed to be able to open a window at night, when the darkness became too surrounding. ”No one could live their entire childhood in a cupboard and not have any aftermaths” Severus had comforted him, and added that ”this was nice…I quite like the sunlight on my pillow when I wake up with a beautiful man on the one beside mine”. Harry loved him so much. He had no words.
The living room was the same. Other than the fact that Severus had added a small kitchen in there, ”just in case” (for the Chocolate Chip Cookies, that was not to be talked about). And Harry had got his own chair. He had brought it with him from number twelve Grimmauld Place, as they had cleaned the house out for the Weasly’s after the Burrows got totally destroyed. Sad story, but using the house at Grimmauld Place for something good, felt nice. And Molly had actually gotten the place really nice.
Not too long ago, Harry had insisted on installing a huge tub in the bathroom too, as he had always wanted one, when he grew up. He had the space, and the chance. So, it happened. And Severus was quite happy about it. In fact, it was big enough for both of them. An experience both of them had enjoyed to its fullest. Water could be very sensual, Harry had discovered. And Severus was dried out and an easy man to please.

Harry had arranged some pictures on the massive stone-walls as well. They made the rooms look and feel more like a home, and they had quite a few people to remember. Albus had his own frame in there, but he rarely visited. He had dropped by on both birthdays, and for christmas. There were some pictures of Harry and his family from his earliest years, and one of Severus and Lily. It had never even occurred to Harry, to be bothered about it. They were so lovely together. Beautiful autumn colors. Reds and yellows. And they were laughing. Harry had one of him standing between Ron and Hermione, taken the day of their graduation. And one of Severus and Albus, taken the day of Severus’ graduation.
In the centre, hanging right above the sofa, was a beautiful painting, that the two of them had gotten from Luna, for christmas last year. It pictured Harry and Severus together. Holding hands, sitting in front of Hogwarts, on the large front steps.

It had been painted from a photo. The day had been so beautiful. Students had just left for summer-holiday, and the premises were empty and silent. Severus had slid down behind Harry, who sat in total silence. Listening to his own mind. Severus had just been there. Been happy. They both had been. They were together, and nothing could keep them apart. Never apart. Never alone again.

Harry curled up next to Severus, claiming his half of the blankets. Severus gently spooned him, and held him tight, waiting for his lover to fall asleep. He had become familiar to fall asleep listening to Harry’s heavy breathing. It was soothing to know he was there. That he could relax so much in his arms.
But Severus couldn’t sleep. Not only was there still a fair chance that they would have to leave Hogwarts, but he also feared that Harry would leave him. Leave him to stay, while he left. To let him stay home. It was in his nature to be that way. He was too caring for his own good. And Severus didn’t want to stay, if he had to do it alone. But he knew Harry. And there was only matter of time, before the offer would be presented. And he had to prepare his answer. So that it would be understood, not just heard.

Part Fifteen - By the Lake

Severus looked helpless when Harry stopped talking. Like someone had just left him on a deserted island without any help. Without food or water. Left to die. I hurt so bad to see him like that. It had to be something he could do. To make it easier. But deep inside Harry knew. He couldn’t. This wasn’t his war to fight. For once he was nothing but a victime. He had to stay put and wait. And for the first time since he had gotten together with Severus, he felt he needed something more. He needed Albus. The one thing he couldn’t have. And he knew that his lover felt just the same.

Severus’ head rested in Harrys lap. He thought of Neville being scary again and laughed when he heard Harrys breath tighten, he looked up into his face, to discover it was glowing of pain. It looked like those nights during the war, when his scar had hurt him so bad, he hadn’t even been able to cry. Only this time, snape knew where the pain was. He felt Harrys hand on his chest. He felt the shivering it carried. And he knew. And he knew it because he felt the same. This was his whole world. Harry was his whole world, and he had no idea if they would survive outside Hogwarts. Harry had other obligations now too, and Severus had been invited to quidditch-practice occationally. He had joined him a couple of times too, sitting there, alone, watching his lover divide air, chasing that vivid golden ball. But he wasn’t much of a social man. He didn’t enjoy lot’s of people at a time. He knew he and Harry were different. But as long as Hogwarts was their place, they were the same. If they couldn’t have that any longer, what would they have.
Severus faired that if thay had to move, Harrys life would be out there with all those other people, and that his life would be inside. Locked up by his own feelings. His fair of being displayed. Of being looked at too much. Harry had never had that problem. They would fall apart.

He felt Harrys light touch on his cheek. He hadn’t noticed the tear. ”Not to worry” Harry whispered… ”I wouldn’t ever leave you inside when I’d go out…..either it’s you and me outside, or you and me inside. No alterntives. You are my world too you know.”
Severus never learned. He had taught Harry the skills of Occlumency himself. As he often was reminded. He knew very well to protect his thoughts, but he rarely bothered. After all, Harry had to use his own forces to get trough, and he rarely bothered to do that….but, he guessed he had looked particularly thoughtful, and Harry didn’t mind asking. He just listened. There were only few things hidden anyways. And those few things were WELL hidden. And Harry’d never look into things he shouldn’t know. He was too good a man to do such a thing.

Both of them snapped back to reality, as Minerva came running towards them, yelling in a high-pitched voice that they had to be careful. They had to be less obvious.
She had stopped by Harrys class to tell news from Dumbledore, and had entered a classroom full of wellbehaved four- and fithyears. She wondered what the threat had been this time, and laughed as well, as she got the answer. She had however collected their assignments, and let them of the hook. They would be out on the grounds in short time, and the two professors huddled together like this, would be no good for their case.

Severus rose from Harrys lap, and yawned. Minerva smiled relieved.
She had still been a little scared she had ruined the man for good, after her behaviour the other night. Luckily they were both allright. Severus assured her he was really ok, but made it clear that she had nearly killed him, accompanied by a grin.

The news from Albus was that things were slow. Pros and cons to the law, were almost as many on both sides, and there was difficulties in deciding. Kingsley had just held a long speech on behalf of Harry and Severus, and demanded some answers to why this had happened just now, and the rest was put on hold until tomorrow. They were given some time to think. Harry hated ”time to think”. It did no good. But there was nothing to do. Merely waiting.

Part Fourteen - October Sun

During first half of the day, Harry let his students write essays on ’how to prevent lifethreatening damages from continuent use of wolvesbane’. He priced himself lucky that he had classes in fourth and fifth grade that day. They were actually able to do some work, even while he couldn’t pay attention to it. His mind was elsewhere.
An hour into the three-hour-assignment for the class, he had to get some air. He left a bright Slytherin in charge, threatening him with detention in the greenhouses with Neville if he didn’t behave, and was answered with a scared-looking kid nodding and glancing back. (It worked every time….how on earth did Neville get to become the scary one?)

Harry hit the castle-grounds. He walked down the hills to Hagrids old hut. It was empty, after Hagrid left to live in Romania where he could live his life long dream with dragons nearby - legally. It had had to be that way. After Albus’ death, there was nothing much keeping Hagrid at Hogwarts, and his life seemed so much better now. He sounded so happy in his letters. And Charlie had confirmed, that no one had ever cared for the dragons as Hagrid did.
The new caretaker had how ever refused to live there. He was right in saying though, that the furniture in there, matched no one but Hagrid himself.
The hut seemed lonely some how, as Harry walked past it, and aimed for the lake. He had to sit for a while. Had to be quiet, and gather his thoughts before he went back to class. In his head, he pictured himself alone. In a muggle apartement, living on his own. Working some muggle job. Having to wake up to the sound of heavy traffic every morning for the rest of his life. Being miserable as ever before. Longing for the lost love and just feeling generally down. It was not a bright sight.
As he sat staring out into nothing, he drifted off. He let himself fall backwards in the grass, and didn’t realize he'd dozed off until something covered the sunlight that had warmed his face. He opened his eyes, and shrugged from the cold. The sun was the only warmth. Mid October sureley wasn’t summer anymore, and he had probably fallen asleep for a moment.
The shadow was Severus.
He looked like he needed some answeres.

Harry asked him to join him in the grass, then asked the time, and discovered he had been out for almost twenty minutes. He decided he had to tell him anyway, and he knew his class would be ok. After all. Neville was pretty scary.
Severus could hardly stop laughing when Harry told him of his threat. How COULD Neville be scary? When They had been students, there had been only two real threats; Professor Snape, and Filch. Snape was still scary to the students, but Harry had promised himself never to use his lover as a threat again. The scarrings it had brought upon himself had been hard to heal, and he knew wery well what damage that man could do to an already scared twelve-year-old. Although...he also knew the real man…and he wasn’t the tiniest bit scare. Only loveable.

It felt good to see Severus laugh. He relaxed, and remembered what had made him change his mind about his professor in the first place. Harry had been dropped in Dumbledores office one night, after wandering the castle in search for a book in the library. No wonder his students looked more to him as a friend, than they did a professor. He was no good hiding his own flawes, or not telling stories from his own years. Ron suffered from it too, as he was often part of Harrys stories. Hermione however, had demanded not to be mentioned. Even though he and Ron had discussed it and agreed, that she had been the brains behind most of their after-curfiew-wanderings.
But that night in Dumbledore’s office, Harry had walked in on his Headmaster and Snape playing chess. Snape had just finished of half Dumbledores men, who made a terrible noice trashing eachother on the board. He nearly fell of his chair laughing, when Minerva dropped Harry of. Snape had in a second, straightened up, and left the office, Dumbledore had hummed to himself and smiled. Before he had offered Harry a seat and some Liquorice. There had been no punishment.
Harry wouldn’t have minded anyway. He had seen a whole other side of his Professor, and after that day, nothing had ever been the same again.

But Harry had to tell Severus. Even though he didn’t want to ruin the good feeling they had captured there in the October-sun, he had to tell. They had to be careful of their actions. Maybe they even shouldn’t be seen together like this.
But Harry couldn’t shut Severus out. He couldn’t wait all day. He had to tell him before he went back into his classroom. Or he could just as well stay out there.

Part Thirteen - Explanation

Minerva stood up, walked around her desk, and kneeled in front of him. She was clearly sorry. And even her eyes were teary. She grabbed his hand, and told him how sorry she was.
The night before, she had met Severus in the hallway, just ending her meeting with a couple of Ministry-members. They had called upon her a couple of weeks ago. Telling her of frustrated parents, that had complained about her staff-professors. Male proffesors! Being in a relationship. And how this couldn’t be accepted. She had worked on her case for the past week, and had been hoping she wouldn’t have to tell. But they had gathered her papers and refused her to be there, during the actual meeting. Dumbledore had offered to move to his Ministry-frame, to be her eyes for the moment, and had demanded Minerva to make sure they didn’t make it worse, until they knew more of the outcome of this whole unfortunate event.

Harry looked at her, stunned, speachless, and feeling he was going to be sick. They couldn’t do this. They couldn’t make them leave eachother, or leave Hogwarts. There was no options. No other way than what was now. He felt the world swirl, but managed to shrug it off, and ask what had happened last night. Ask what on earth she had been thinking, leaving Severus with ideas of Harry leaving him.

Minerva sighed. She had only meant for it to make them less clingy for a couple of days, so that none of the student’s would complain to the departement as the case was running. She had never meant for it to hurt either one of them so much. She had totally forgotten about Severus’ past of loneliness. He seemed so happy these days, it was hard to see his past. Never recalled that she actually knew what she was doing to that poor man, before it was too late. He had strode off, with a hard, cold face, and a nod at her. And then it had hit her. She hadn’t seen him like that for years. The old, frightening appearance of his had returned in a glimpse.
She hadn’t slept at all. She had been lying staring into the roof of her bed, hearing Dumbledore’s disappointed voice telling her, she would have been better of telling them what was going on, than scaring his Severus like that. His heart couldn’t beare the thought of loosing Harry, and the truth would have been easier, as they both would have known. Even though it was a truth no-one would have wanted, it would have been the better way to do this. They were both grown ups. They would have managed. (she pointed out, she had to get rid of the bedroom frame, it was way too annoying, and caused her too many nights without sleep..)
She knew then, that it had been a foul thing to do. Telling Severus of Harry and Ron’s chat, but she had handeled in rush. She hadn’t planned it to be some evil plot, but it had ended that way. And she was sorry. Very sorry. And hurt on Severus’ behalf.

Harry looked at her, with huge eyes. He had actually never believed himself to beg her to let him stay. But he did. He begged. He told her he’d do anything to keep things the way they were. This was his life. Severus was his life. Hogwarts and Severus.

Minerva smiled again. Promised to do her best. Reached out for Harry, and embraced him. Hugged him for the mere of five minutes. And a moment Harry forgot. He felt safe there. In between the walls of the head-office there was always piece. The only thing missing was the smell. The fine blend of Lemon Drops and Liqurice, of old man, and bird. With Minerva in there, it felt like a home, more than an office. But the desk, the chairs, and the pictures were all the same. The solar system, that Albus had kept in his office, was moved down to Severus’ dungeons, because he had loved them so much when he first came to Hogwarts. Fawkes’ old stand was moved into a corner, but was still there. The table that used to contain Albus’ pencieve, was now holding Minervas. A beautiful, emerald green bowl, that went well with the rest of the present headmistress’wardrobe. Alongside of the pencieve, was a pile of books. Harry recalled them as diaries, as he saw small golden locks keeping them closed.
Minerva gave him a firm squeeze before she let go, asked him if he wanted her to apologize and explain to Severus, or if he would do it himself. Harry offered to do it, as he knew it was easier for him to explain, than for her.
She smiled again, and ushered him towards the door. He was nearly late for class.

As he took hold of the doorknob, she whispered ”Yes, they are diaries….my father was muggle, he told me to keep my memories. Long before I knew what a pencieve was. Memories are important Harry. Keep them close. You might need them some day.”

Part Twelve - Headmistress' Office

At breakfast Harry didn’t eat much. He really didn’t want to have his upcoming chat, and he knew Severus could tell. He felt the tension form his right side, and as Severus slid his hand down Harry’s back, he knew the look in his eyes without even turning his head. His lover was concerned. They weren’t too ”out in the public” at school-premesis, as students had enough to worry their heads with, if not to watch their professors snuggling all the time too. But Harry couldn’t help it. Hi let hishead fall to his lovers shoulder for a moment, as he gathered his thoughts and cathed his breath.
Minerva sent Severus and him a demanding look, and he strightened up again. Forced down a glass of pumpkin-juice, and grabbed two letters he had planned to bring with him to the owlery, to get them sent.
He rose, sent the headmistress a look, that told her everything he felt for her that particular day, whispered to her as he passed, that he needed to see her in her office in ten minutes, and hit the door, leading out to the back-entrance of the great hall.
Words couldn’t describe how much he loathed that woman at that wery moment. And he couldn’t understand what had happened last night. What had changed? Whad had she seen, or been told?

---

Harry whispered the password to the golden phoenix at the headmistress-office-entrance, the stairway appeared, and he hit a run up the steep stairs. He knocked on the door at the top, only to discover that Minerva was standing behind him. She slid around him, opened the door, and lead him in. Not a smile to see anywhere. Her face was strict and hardened. She looked angry in some way.

He didn’t bother to be offered a seat, he just sat down, and waited for her to speak. After all, she had do know there was something wrong. Normally, she would smile and be caring. This wasn’t her normal look.
As he waited, he looked to the picture on Minerva’s desk. Albus was supposed to be there. It was empty. All of a sudden Harry felt empty too. He felt something was wrong, and that he should have known something wasn’t right. He felt hollow.

Minerva found her seat, and faced him. ”He’s at the Ministry” she told him. ”listening in on some hearing about a new law. It doesn’t look too good.”
Harry knew something was up, but what? Did this have anything to do with last night. What about a new law. What kind of law? He had a million questions in his head, but he had to start this in the right order. First things first. And after all. His classes were to start in only half an hour. He had to do what he came for. …

After telling, sharing, looking totally devestated, helpless, asking how, why and what went trough her mind, he couldn’t help it. This habit of tearing up, wasn’t too welcome. He was, after all, supposed to be grown up by now.

Part Eleven - Then He Realized

Ablus had asked him straight out one day. In the hallway. Asked how long he had planned to wait before he told him, or before he broke down on his own.
Severus had ben totally surprised by Abus’outcome. He knew he could read mind, but not that he could do it without any warning.
Albus had known for over a year when he confronted Severus.
After the confrontation, he dragged a mindblown Severus into his office. Severus tried to think back, but had no memory of walking the steep stairs to the headmaster-office. The first thing he remembered, was the taste of Albus’ Lemon Drops. Those famous Lemon Drops.
Albus had been sitting beside him on the floor when he came to it. Not in the usual manners, as Albus used to sit behing his huge mahogany-desk, and his visitors in one of the chairs. He sat on the floor - beside him.
He held his hand, and during the next hour, Severus forgot he had ever put on his mask. He knew he wasn’t able to keep anything from his friend, and he knew he would feel better when he’d talked. He had told him everything. Started with the day they delievered Harry on the doorstep at Privet Drive, how he felt he was leaving a part of him behind when he said goodbye to the tiny boy.
He had never told anyone before, but he knew Albus had felt the same, and that he probably knew all the time. After all, this was half Lily’s boy. There had to be some feelings involved. And Albus had known. Ofcourse.
He told him of how concerned he had been, when Harry got back from every holiday and vacation, looking paler and skinnier than the last time. Of how he had been sure that they had been abusing him in more than one way, and had wanted to go over there and get rid of them all, several times.

As he talked, and opened up, Severus had discovered his feelings for Harry were much deeper than he had recogniced earlier. This wasn’t something he would be able to forget. This wouldn’t go away.
He told his friend of the times he had watched Ron longing. Harry’s best friend was so in love with him, he didn’t see anything else. He witnessed how Ron hid his feelings by looking in another direction whenever Ginny entered a room. But at the same time, Severus had seen that Harry didn’t love Ginny. She was just a hidingplace. A mask he had put on, something he would do to make sure noone saw the truth. He had been so sure that Harry in reality was in love with Ron. That the two of them in fact loved each other, but didn’t dare to admit. Didn’t dare to find out.
Albus reached out to him, and told him to wait. Told him that if his thoughts was real, and true, someday, they would happen. Someday. No matter what they were. Albus touched his hand, just in time to see the flash of thought going trough Severus’ head. And he smiled.
The well-known twinkle in Albus’ eyes appeared, as he told his friend that the thought that just flew through Severus’ head, could happen too. He didn’t know for a fact that Ron was the one Harry longed for.
Severus had stopped thinking. He had no idea how he could be so easy to read. How all of his mind and thinkings could be so far out on display. How he could not have recognized his own feelings before anyone else. Was he indeed an open book?
Albus assured him it was normal. He had been watching him for some time, seen him change. Seen his looks. Seen how he started to comb his hair for the meals. Ironing his robes. Typical signs that something was happening.
Severus was stunned again. Stunned that someone could know without knowing. But, he admitted to himself, if someone should have seen, it had had to be Dumbledore. After all, the man was something very special.
Severus had still decided to wait. Still decided to be there for Harry. Force him to talk some day. Make him talk about what he felt for Ron. So that he at least didn’t have to watch the boy hurt so bad.
Albus told him how impressed he was, and offered another Lemon Drop, as he reminded him, that he wasn’t too easy to read, and maybe others weren’t either.

Harry had been laying on his side, looking at Severus the entire time he had spoken. His arm was resting on the fluffy pillow, head resting on his forearm. Eyes half shut. Watching the man of his dreams talking about how he had never believed this could happen. He saw gratefulness in Severus’ eyes. He saw that rare smile he had grown to love. And he felt so peaceful. So right.
At the same time he knew. He knew just how little there was, to rip the whole thing. He knew he had to remind his lover of how important he was to him. He knew that words from others could destroy it in a split second, and he knew he had to be careful. And he knew very well he had to talk to Minerva. First ting in the morning.

Part Ten - Behind The Mask

Harry gazed towards Severus, and smiled back. Severus was one of those people that was so hard on the outside, that if you didn’t know the man, you woud never believe it, beeing told that he usually brought breakfast to bed with him. To share with his lover. There had beem several occations when he had, before Harry had yet woken up, baked chokolate chip cookies, invited Ron and Hermione over, and surprised them all with his cooking-skills. He wasn’t well known for skills in anything but potion-making, and he had warningly told the three of them, that this was NOT a thing his students needed to know.
He was wearing a mask. This hard mask that had lead Harry to believe that there was no hope what so ever. None at all.

Harry had fallen in love with that mask. He had been scared that night when he first heard Severus laugh. First saw him smile. He had been so sure, that this was some mean way to punish him for beeing alive. And he knew Professor Snapes’ methods of punishing. He had been in detention too many times not to. And yet, he had preffered the hard mask. He had begun to care for it. Care for the well-beeing of the man. He had fallen for it. Slowly, and not at all gently, he had found himself in love with the man. And it had been so scary.
He had hid it for quite some time. Tried to make things work with Ginny, who he had only been able too fool for a short time, before she told him to quit the game. She had talked him out of the relationship, telling him that she would always remember it, hiding it in her heart. Harry had moved on. Sort of.
He had flirted with Wood on rare occations. He had tried a couple of things with him. On the night of his first real experience with a boy, he hadn’t been able to think about anything other than his professor. There had been too many nights like that afterwords. To many nights thinking of Severus, for his own pleasure.
In the end, he had figured that he was better of alone. Nobody deserved to be nothing but a substitute. He wasn’t able to play that game. And he hid. He made his own mask for some time. Working his way trough the days beside his co-professor, he tried not to think of it, and to grow out of it. He couldn’t. There was no way.

After a while Severus had seen trough him. He had known there was something wrong. After all, he was working side-by-side him every day. Either teaching him, og watching him teach, and he knew. Knew there was someone. But never who that someone was. Allthough there was allways a possibility that the special someone was that Weasly-boy. (What is it about those red-heads!!?)

Harry had been right. Severus wasn’t at all prepared for what he had been told that night. He was sure it was going to be Ron. He was sure he was going to force himself to listen trough hours of sobbing over the best friend. And how friendship was more important than findig out if there was any possible way….and blah, blah… but instead, Harry had drawn a big breath and simply started by saying ”I love you”.
Severus had faired the worst. He had settled with the thought of living on his own for the rest of his lonesome life. He had laughed at Harry when he fell in trough the door, only to make sure to Harry there was nothing to be scared of. To make Harry relaxe. And he had been so wrong. There had been much to be scared of.

He didn’t know how to love. Well was he in love. But to love. To share. To depend. To be depended on. He didn’t know how to even be a friend. He didn’t even know how to smile properly. He had been hiding for so many years. Ever scince he and Lily had been forced apart as kids, beeing ”no good for eachother”, ha had closed himself up. Refused to open. Even though Albus had been a friend to him, he didn’t do friends. He had closed that part of his life. If the old headmaster hadn’t been able to read his mind, he would never have known the truth.

Part Nine - Misunderstandings

And yet again Harry found himself talking. He wasn’t used to all this sharing of thoughts. Even though it was a long time scince he had been completely on his own. And even though he had been sharing occationally with Ron and Hermione, he felt like this kind of sharing was different. This way of opening his heart to someone else. Opening it, and leaving it for others to trample upon.
Severus told Harry about the dream. He told him that Minerva had crossed him in the hall that evening, when he was just coming in for his curfue-duty, and that she was ”so glad that Harry and Ron finally had found it wise to talk things trough”. She had told him about the talk they’d had in Rons office before dinner, and that she was sure this was going to make things a lot better. For everyone.

Harry was left in shock. How coud she have told Severus, and not mentioned it to him. How could Minerva believe that a scentence like that wouldn’t bring some harsh and so wrong feelings into Severus’ head. What on earth did she use that old head for? Was she in no way capable of seeing Severus for the man he was. There was no such thing as ”ofcourse” and ”without doubt” in his heart. He hadn’t been loved by anyone but Albus and Harry for his entire life, and she knew. Even worse. She knew that he never could have had the time to talk to him himself. There had been dinner, and counseling with the Wilkinson-boys afterwords, and no. No time. And she knew. What on earth had gone trough her head.

Severus had been dreaming of Harry packing up his things and leaving him. Not only leaving him, but leaving Hogwarts. And beside him in the doorway, on his way, was that dreaded redhead, that foul Weasly-boy. Hermione was sitting crying in a corner, being comforted by Minerva, who still was talking about this beeing the better outcome of everything, and Harry was smiling. Agreeing. And Severus had only been able to watch, as if it was some kind of memory, already drawn out and captured in a pencieve. And it wasn’t his pencieve. He was only there to watch. And he had been so hurt, and not beeing able to recall the feeling of loss before it was too late, he had started crying. Severus. Crying. In his own dream.

Severus assured Harry that Ron was not dreaded, but he had to know. He had to hear the real thing. The true story. And he had to be sure it wasn’t reality.

Harry could see the tears in those dark eyes. And it scared him. He couldn’t even begin to understand how much he meant to him, even less try to understand how hurt he must have felt, when Minerva told him. That old…. But Harry told him.
He told him about the pencieve in Ron’s office. Of how he just had had to know the truth. He told him about the fact that Ron had known all the time. And to be true, he was quite shocked, when he learned that Severus too had known all the time.
Known that Ron had been deeply in love with him. Known that when Harry and Ginny had been going out, Ron had been as hurt as he had. They had been watching them from completely different places, but they still had been longing for the same thing. They had both been longing for Harry. And when Harry had broken it off with Ginny, and flirted with Wood for some time, they had both been looking at Harry. Severus had seen Ron all the time. He had known. And he had feared that he would beat him to it. After all, Ron was a young and attractive man. Much more suitable for a neat piece as Harry. Much younger, and prettier. Much.
Then Harry told Severus about the talk the two of them had had that previous night. (no, sleeping is definetly not a privilige for professors…) Told him that Ron had been so angry with Severus, for not returning those feelings, and for not beeing the one that Harry had needed. Harry assured him over and over again, that there had never been, and would never be any feelings of his, towards Ron. He wasn’t made that way. There was Severus. His Severus. The only one.
There was tears in those deep pools of eyes again. Not scared tears this time. Not angry tears. Only loving tears. He leaned in and kissed Harry gently, and smiled. One of those smiles that only ever Harry got to see.

Part Eight - In The Darkness

Nighttime was hard. There was so many dark memories that seemed clearer when matching the surroundings. Harry often woke up close to crying, and almost as often, he turned around to face Severus looking into the air. Looking scared.
They didn’t talk much about the war. They talked a lot, of other things, but remembering the war was hard enough. There were too many old friends and family-members that was gone. Too many dark memories.

Tonight was no different. Well. Not all different. Harry had woke from a dream. He had woke from a dream of darkness, and all of a sudden he couldn’t understand why. The dream wasn’t frightening like it used to be. It was a warm dream, about the night he had told Severus everything. He smiled to himself, as he heard the man beside him choke a silent scream. Not at all that unusual, and by reflex he reached out to him. to offer a comforting hug. He slid his arm around him, and Severus woke. He looked like he had seen a ghost…or something far worse.
Harry was used to not talking about the nightmares, as they had decided, it wouldn’t make them go away, they would only have twice as many. But this time it felt like he had to. Maybe it was the voice inside him, that had told him to go dive into Rons pencieve in the middle of the day, that told him to ask. The same voice that had encouraged him to tell Severus about the feelings that very first time. No matter what it was, or who it was, he asked.
And Severus turned to him, still looking frightened as Harry had never seen him before, and answered the question slowly, with a counterquestion;
”Are you going to leave me now?”

Harrys stomac twinched as he heard the word leave. And felt his world rip in the seams. He felt like the whole room was swimming, as he looked into those eyes. Those eyes….deep pools to drown in. Deep. ”What?…no..why?”

Part Seven - Straight Where Supposed To

The two young men were still sitting in Ron's office when Minerva called trough the fireplace. She sounded bewildered, and a confused and worried look was shared between the two of them.
A moment later she stood in front of them, shearing in a low tone, that there "had to be SOMEONE in the caretaking departement at this school that was able to clean the fireplaces!!" She brushed of the remainings from her floo-flight, and greeted the two of them. Only raising half an eyebrow, before Harry realized he was still holding on to Ron's hand. He let go in a hurry, well aware that Minerva never would have told Severus, if there was anything to tell, but anyways…
Ron merely proclaimed he had "told Harry everything", and Minerva nodded, and gave him a confirming, warm smile. Harry was stunned. She had actually known the whole time. Ron stottered a few lines about having to tell someone, and that Minerva beeing his former Head of House and everything, had ran into him sitting on the front steps of the castle one day and surprising him with a rather demanding question of what had been bothering him for so long. And he had told. Not about Severus ofcourse. She had allready known that one herself. (Again with the Dumbledore-photo…Harry was sure that man was listening in on some of Harrys deep conversations with himself…or maybe one of Severuses, as he knew, that he too was a great man who talked a lot to himself…..people tend to do that when they feel totally alone, Harry recalled, before he snapped back to reality)
Minerva had dropped by to tell Ron that "there would be double lessons of occlumency this week, starting tomorrow, for the fifth-years getting ready for their upcoming O.W.L.s". And as he was there. "DADA-classes would be doubled next week, and if he would be so kind to tell his boyf....uhm....tell Severus too, that his classes was doubeled this week as well as Rons."
She left them with a smile, and with an order to "keep things straight where they was supposed to be straight". She heard them laughing all the way back to her headmistress-office, and could have swore she heard them telling jokes about a threesome…or maybe even invite Hermy, if she could find someone to babysit....she decided she didn't want to know, even thoug deep inside, she knew that they were only jokes. Harmful jokes.

Ron and Harry finished off their talk, realizing that dinner was ready in only a few minutes, and thet both of them had been crying a bit. They laughed at themselves, and performed a clear-up-spell on each other, and in the next minute, there was a soft nock on the door. Harry opened, and faced Hermione with the boys in her arms. She looked a bit puzzeled at them, but shrugged and kissed Ron, as the closed the door to his office.

Part Six - Inside His Mind

Harry was amazed by his friend. Not only had he known both him and the mother of his twins for more than fifteen years, but he knew him as a coward. Not the irritating kind, but the cute kind. The kind that would stand shivering and stottering behind you, scared to talk, scared of the tiniest spider, and well known for his excuses on behalf of others. Sure was he a great friend who would stand up for any friend of his, but to tell the hurtfull truth, and might end up crying? No, not a likely thing to witness from the youngest Weasly-boy. And to tell the truth and mye be laughed at, and told to be a fool? Even less likely. But even so. Despite all that.
There he was, an armlenght in front of him, even holding onto his hand, very much real, telling Harry about his well hidden feelings. Telling him of all the times he had had a desire to hand Snape over to the Whomping Willow, for the mere sake that he was treating Harry like air, or worse, like dirt. Well aware that the feelings Harry tried to hide from his co-professor, was not hate, but love, or at least something close to it.
After listening for what seemed like forever, drying his tears occationally, and in general feeling sorry for his best friend, he felt like he was completely dried out. Not only had he never seen these feelings that Ron had been hiding from him, but he had never believed him, when he had tried to tell. There was not many feelings he knew better than the one of beeing misunderstood, and yet he couldn’t begin to understand the hurt he must have brought upon his friend. And for so long. Ron had actually tried to tell, and Harry had only laughed and shook his head. Ron had tried, and he had refused to listen. How could he not have listened, when he for years had felt the same towards Severus, and still he didn’t recognice the hurtful truth when it was served to him on a silver platter. Was it even possible. That his love for Severus had made him that blind. Completely blind.
Harry couldn't help asking, if the feelings were still there. If Ron still felt for him. He reassured a couple of times that it would have made no difference then, and that he still only saw male beauty in the older ones, but he wanted to know. He wanted to be sure, that his best friend didn’t walk around hurt every day.
A flash of red, came over Ron's neck as he nodded, and admitted that he sometimes had to fight it off. And Harry laughed. Not at the confession, but at the blushing. That was more the typical Ron, the one he knew. Ron assured him that the feelings he felt now, was not hurt. He loved Hermione too much. And seeing Harry and Severus both being happy, with each other and with themselves, made it obvious to him, that this was the right thing. All four of them were happy. And – he added. He would have told him, if he had asked. He would have joined him in the pensieve, and guided him along the way. It would have been better that way. And he was sorry for the hit to Harrys head, but as he also commented a couple of times during the talk…the pencieve IS actually a brutally honest diary. Nothing hidden, and would best be viewed accompanied by the one the thoughts was gathered from.

Harry could nothing but agree, and reached over to give him another hug, and apologize, when a green flash lit up the dark office.

Part Five - Best Mate's Point of View

Ron had been ”sooo surpriiiised” when Harry finally had been able to gather enough courage to tell him. The idea of how his friend would react when he told him that he was infact in love with Severus, was mindblowing. But Ron seemed nothing but happy, and ofcourse, as he said, he had seen it for some time.
Hermione was a harder nut to crack. She smiled franticly for two weeks, and constantly showed up red-eyed for meals. She was obviously disturbed. She couldn’t finish a scentence in a conversation with him, without sobbing, and turning her head away to blink. However, after a while she sat him down and told him she was only scared to loose him. Scared that things wouldn’t be okay between them, and that as long as he promised to still be Harry, she'll be ok. And he promised.
And she was ok. Naturally a bit amazed at Harrys taste in men, older as he was and everything, but she seemed ok. She hadn’t asked too many questions in the beginning, other than how it had all started, and how it felt being in love with a man, dreaded by ALL their students.
He and Severus had decided not to tell anyone but the closest, until end of term. After the students had left for summerholiday, the rest of the staff could know. Obviously, Minerva knew. (Harry could have sworn, that the picture of Dumbledore on her desk, that was there ”to remind her of exellent headmastership” had been sneaking around, seen them, and told her.) Ron and Hermione obviously knew, and poor Neville, who had run into them (trying to hide behind a statue) had been so scared, that he accused Severus of trying to kill Harry, and they had to tell. He had almost started crying, as Severus, had smiled when he spoke. After that day, Neville changed rapidly.

A year after ”that night”, Ron had tried telling Harry about the years before Hermione, and Severus. Harry had listened to his friend, nodding friendly when he had told him he'd been in love with him for years. Until that night in the dungeons.

Ron had ran into Snape by accident after he had jinxed the alarm-clock, and figured something was going on. After all, he had been on his way out of the hallway where the co-proffessors lived. He had secretly borrowed Harrys cloak to keep himself from beeing seen, and when he heard Harry beeing woken up, he had followed him silently. He had seen Snape whan the door to the dungeon-classroom was swung open only moments before Harry leaned into it, and right before the door had closed behind Harry, he had slipped inside.
Most of all he had been worried Snape would do something to Harry. But the moment he'd slipped in trough the door, and seen the professor, he realized there was nothing to be scared of.
This was it. Finally Harrys love was to be returned. There had been no action, only a sweet and gentle kiss. And in that very moment, Ron had decided. He wasn't gay for anyone, he was gay for Harry or noone. At least that was how it had to be.

Part Four - That Night

Harry looked up into the deep pools that were the eyes of his co-professor. He waited to be yelled at, but instead he got a chuckle. A small laughing sound, and half a smile. A smile!
He had been working side-by-side with Snape for nearly a year. Every day he had to meet up in the dungeons before breakfast to discuss the dawning day. He hadn't been a minut late once. And nevertheless, he did't snare or yell. He laughed, and smiled.
And then he realized, it didn't feel like morning, it was surely late night. Someone had to have messed around with his alarm-clock, it surely had rung fifteen minutes ago..
An innocent grin from Snape kind of gave him away, but why?
The door shut closed behind him. Harry felt the tension grab him by the heart, and closed his eyes. He realized Snape was still holding his hand, and felt shivers down his spine as he was lead into the room. He was sat down on a chair, and ordered to talk. In a way only Snape could pull off, he was ordered to tell what he had been thinking about for these last couple of weeks. What had taken his mind of everything, so that he had overlooked students, forgotten them in locked up classrooms, skipped dinner on a few occations, and forgotten that he hadd hallguard yesterday evening. (Harry’s heart skipped a beat. He had noticed, and missed him at dinner. Missed_him.)
And he talked. Somewhere deep inside, he dug up some courage to tell him everything. Tell him about the last four years of admiration and worship. About turning fair into attraction, and hate into something indescribable. Something scary and powerful. About shame and secresy. And about the agony of keeping the secret from Ron and Hermione.
He didn't dare to look up while talking. Even though he had found the strenght to tell, he was scared to death and pretty sure that this wasn't at all what Snape had been prepared to hear. He was sure, that the moment he drew his finishing breath, he would be yelled at. Showed out of his dungeons, and back to bed. Turned down. Both personally and professionally. He would have to get another job. But he kept talking. He was way past the point of turning back, and the entire story had to be told.
After talking for an hour or so, Harry took a deep breath and tighgtened his closed eyes, as if he was trying to hear Snape's frowning. Instead, he was kissed. A sweet, gentle kiss. That one kiss he had been longing for. The whole thing was surreal. He opened his eyes, and yet again he met the pools of Snapes eyes. Those immensely huge dark brown eyes, that had frightened him to death for several years, that now made him loose his breath entirely. This was real. He was sitting in the dungeons, in the middle of the night. He was wanted there. He had been kissed. By him.

The following weeks had been the worst weeks in Harrys life. Without doubt.

Part Three - The Lessons

He had to be there in time. If there was no hope in he'll that he'd see what Harry really wanted, and nevertheless return his feelings, at least he could try to please the man by beeing on time for their lessons.
With a quick glance in one of the shiny cups in the trophy-closets, and a nervous hand trough his messy hair, he knocked firmly on the heavy wooden door.
The knock was answered by a tense "Enter."
Harry leaned in to open the door, only to discover it swung open as he did. He fell in all his lenght, head first into the classroom. As he stumbeled to his feet and opened his eyes, he saw a hand reached out for him, followed by a "Sorry."
* The lessons were not so much lessons as they were preparation for the upcoming year as co-professors. A few chosen students had been invited to do career as professors, spending one year following a study of their chosen field, and the second as a co-professor with one of the allready employed, and older, professors. Ron had been chosen for Occlumency, as he, to everyone's great surprice, had been a great help during the war. Hermione had started out in Ancient Runes by herself, as there was noone left to teach the firstyears, but had been hunted down by McGonnagall to do Transfiguration instead. Neville had been brought back, after leaving with the other graduates, to his great amusement, to help professor Sprout in the greenhouses. Harry had been presented a choice between Defence Against Aark Arts, and Potions, and had naturally chosen his strongest field in DADA. But professor Snape had brought him back to Potions, offering him a combination of teaching the youngest students DADA, while studying Potions at the same time. "Only to proove himself in charge", Harry had thought to himself.
But in the end, the combination of the two had prooved very neat to him. Harry had proved how well he worked under pressure, and as he taught the youngest, Professor Snape taught the older. It was all very much satisfying.
Almost everything. *

Part Two - Until That Moment

He was shaking allright, but he was sitting behind his desk, both hands covering his face, sobbing quietly. He was waiting for him to return...
Harry had never been one to comfort, rather the one needing to be comforted, and as he moved closer to the sadfaced man by the desk, he figured a hug might be better than a bunch of incompetent words.
Ron's worst shivering stopped as Harry put an arm aruond his shoulders. He gave it a firm squeeze, and smiled reassuringly. The smile was halfly returned, accompanied by a pair of teary eyes.
Harry slid up on the desk, facing Ron, and grabbed his hand while he ordered him to talk, in a way that only Snape had used, that was obviously almost as effective coming from Harry. At least it made Ron talk.
And he talked. For nearly two hours, he talked. About how he had been watching Harry getting ready for bed, the last three years of school. About how he had grown from seeing him as a friend, through admiring him as a hero, to finding himself helplessly in love with his best friend. How he hadn't told a soul about it, in fair of beeing expelled (or worse, killed).
How he had grown furter, after discovering the true desire of Harrys heart, and watching in agony, every time Harry had been turned down and thrown away by the one his heart desired.

Until that moment.

Ron had "grown out of it", or decided that it was Harry or noone. And slowly, he had found himself more and more attracted to Hermione. There had been an obviouse spark between them scince they first met, and it was no doubt that if there was to be anyone else, it had to be her. Last year the two of them had become parents to a pare of beautiful twin boys. Naturally called Fred and George, to honour the names of Ron's brothers who died during the last war. Harry, was godfather to both boys.

Harry still couldn't believe Ron had been there that night in the dungeons, and asked how much of it he had witnessed. If he had followed him insidethe dungeons.
Again, Rons eyes watered with tears, but this time it was accompanied by a grin. The kind of grin a straight man would give you after seeing his first real girl-on-girl porn. He had witnessed it all.
Not hat it had been so much to witness. There had been no hardcore, headbanging, outrageous sex. There had nearly been anything more than an innocent kiss, but to Harry, it had been everything. The beginning.

Part One - What's going on?

He was walking faster and faster, as the steps behind him started to speed up. He saw a doorway on his left, and made a jump towards it, as the noise of someone almost running reached his ears. The door was luckily not locked, and he used all his weight and willpower to open it.
*black*
As he woke, he vaguely remembered the sound of footsteps closing in on him, and shook his head to get rid of the memory. The sound however, wouldn't disappear. He opened his eyes to find himself in a dark hallway, and he had no clue where
it lead, or who was walking towards him.
A moment later, the guilty shoes, and their owner appeared around a corner. There was no mistaking the long black robes strotting in his direction. He had no trouble at all recognicing his professor..but the professor did't seem to notice him at all. The man hurried past him, as if there were no rules against walking the castle after curfiew.
He got up on his feet in a hurry, letting his hands feel down..no, he hadn't just forgotten that he had slipped on his invisibilitycloak. The professor merely hadn't seen him. Strange. Not at all usual, not for any professor.
He gathered his thoughts for a brief second, and hurried after the man. After all, there had to be quite something going on, if him being out of the dormitory wasn't worth noticing.
*black*
Once again, he found himself slowly opening his eyes, hearing footsteps coming towards him. And once again he had no clue where he was. This had to stop. Immidiately.
He turned his head just in time to witness a truely scary sight. In a split second, before he realized what was going on, he saw himself, leaning onto the door to his potions-classroom, then he realized that the "himself" he saw, was ten years younger. He recalled that the professor was no longer his professor, rather his co-worker, and during the next split of that self same second, he remembered what he'd been doing before he fainted. Before someone hit_his_head!
He turned around to look down the corridor, and witnessed something he had faired to be true all these years, but known all the same, deep inside.
Half hidden, behind a column, but close enough to see properly, was his best mate standing. His eyes were teary, and his shoulders was shaking uncontrolled.
Harry had never quite believed Ron, when he several years after this had told him that he had been there. Never the less had he ever thought that Ron was telling the truth when he said that he had loved him before Harry knew the meaning of the word gay. Harry was obviously mistaken.
He suddenly remembered the knock to the back of his head, as he was about to dive into the pensieve located in Ron's office-closet, and figured he must have had finished his class of occlumency early to tell Harry off. He had been a spare second to late, and as Harry was heading back to reality, he tried to prepare for one shaking angry best friend.
*black*